Just a little something

I thought I'd post a little bit of my VSWIP(very slow work in progress). I'm thinking this will be the prologue. What do you think?


Dear God, what have I done. I'm the catalyst to the Faerie Apocolypse, thought Carlin, as she surveyed the surrounding chaos.
All around the heavy clangs of magical broadswords against enchanted armor reverberated through her body. The hissing of arrows flying through the air and the dull thuds as they found their targets in immortal flesh, punctuated every heartbeat. Her eyes met those whose eyes had seen centuries, perhaps millenia, of humankind come and go, and watched as their lights grew dim and faded to darkness.

How had it come to this?

I do believe in faeries. That's where it all started. And if I live through this,, she said to herself, I'm gonna kick that Tinker bitch's ass.

Modesty Takes a Holiday or How Sarah's Getting Her Groove Back

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." From A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson


I've struggled with insecurity all of my life. My perception of myself has always been based on other people's perceptions of me. For every five compliments I received, there was always one criticism, and I would feed off that criticism for a long time afterward, until there was a new negative for me to chew on. There's not a person living today that can beat up on me better than I can on myself. I believed that I deserved all the things going wrong in my life.
That I deserved to be left multiple times because I just wasn't good enough. I deserved to feel unwanted because I wasn't pretty, thin, or desireable enough. I deserved to be lied to and humiliated because I wasn't smart enough or worth coming home to. I deserved to never be sure of someone's love because there was obviously something innately unloveable and unworthy of love about me.

Well, I'm here to tell you that that's all a crock of s#!%.

I am not that person. Not even close.

And to anyone who I may have given that impression to over the years, I apologize. My only excuse is that for a long time I saw that distorted reflection of myself and thought that it was real and unwittingly let others believe it, too.
But the truth is in the quote above.

I am brilliant.
Not just smart, mind you, but brilliant. The good people of Jeopardy and MENSA are probably on their way over right now. I am creative and have a good amount of common sense. Just because I expected the same honesty I gave to others does not make me stupid.

I am gorgeous.
And not just kind of cute, which was as far as I'd ever let myself think. The same God who created glittering expanses of jewel-toned oceans and mountains that reach up past the clouds and every fiery star in the heavens is the same one who made me.

I am talented.
In so many ways. I can sing on key and harmonize. I can write and people actually understand and connect with it. I'm funny and clever. I can take care of four kids and not go completely insane. I can smile and make someone's day.

I am fabulous.
It means incredible. Marvelous. Superb. Exceptional. I am a loving, caring and kind person. I have grace under pressure. I am brave, strong and powerful. I have been blindsided, caught off guard and blatantly lied to, and have risen from it each time. A little the worse for wear, sometimes, but stronger and wiser. I give love freely and deserve it in return.

I don't expect my life to suddenly be free of all trouble because I finally accept these things. Maybe I shouldn't want it to. How can people properly see the light God made me to be if there isn't some adversity to shine through?

And I was made to shine.

Not a soft, subtle glow like a nightlight - barely driving the shadows away, but a blinding, blazing radiance that beats back the fear and darkness.

And who knows? Perhaps by seeing my light, others will let theirs shine, too.

Because we all deserve to shine.